The Journey Continues

 

              I’m curious as to the reasons that everyone started their blog.  I know that there are some writers in training out their, honing their professional skills for a future literary work.  I know that there are some comedians out their, honing their trade for future stand up comedy or for print syndication.  I’m sure that there are some other professionally oriented reasons.  But if you’re a regular in the ER, consider yourself tagged.

              The there’s me.  The Surgeon of the Cardiac ER.  I had many, many ideas and reasons why I felt I should start blogging.  I think that I already had my midlife crisis. Midlife Crisis's (Crisi?) are so much easier when you don’t have the money to buy a new Porsche, drive to Vegas, enlist a ring of female escorts to follow you like lapdogs through the casinos while you play big spender and step out of your life for a moment.  I call it midlife crisis on a budget.  There’s not much to do there.  You sort of get to watch yourself freak in stages like a new series on television.  One that airs day and night.  I got a Porsche antenna topper for my Cavalier, a couple of blow up Barbie dolls, a new deck of cards to play solitaire with, and a box of the cheap plastic chips so I could tip the dealer (my kid’s teddy bear with the tux on).

              No wait, send those men in the starched white jackets back to the east wing.  I don’t need a new wardrobe with all long sleeve shirts that tie in the back.  I think it would be cool to scribble on the walls with a crayon in my mouth, but. . . .   No, no, I said send them back.  I was joking about the teddy bear.  I didn’t touch him, honest!

              So I started because – I can write, I enjoy it, I can’t keep a train of thought long enough to write a novel, I had something to say, and I like being able to share with others. Sounds good, right?  It’s all total bullshit, or maybe not bullshit, but none of the above, while true on some level, are the reason.

              The fact is, when the Beast comes hunting, I get creative, and by writing, it helps to send it away.  It hasn’t been bad enough in a many years that I felt the need to write.  Back at the end of August, there was this driving need to write, to spew my guts, to get it out.  The Beast was hunting with a vengeance.  Blood dripping from the fangs.  It had been so long since it was this bad, that I barely recognized it.  Fortunately, something clicked, and I did.  I know when the monkey crawls on my back and jabs a pen or a keyboard into my fist, that a bad one is coming.  It has been.  You can tell a bad week when I get two or three posts in.  I’m having a good week when I post once out of responsibility to my readers (all 7).  And yes, bizarre as it sounds, I do feel some sort of responsibility to those that keep coming to visit.  My own version of the Hippocratic oath in the Cardiac ER.  But I’m here, I’m alive, and the Journey into self knowledge and awareness continues.

 

Michael