My sympathies go out to all of you that were or may be affected by this wicked storm that is ravishing the country right now. Being me, however, I could manage to find some humor in a rotten corpse. So here’s some news flashes for those of you that that live above the 30th Parallel north of
The various school districts just north of Houston made the decision last night to close schools this morning in order to avoid the projected ice storm that DIDN”T happen. Streets throughout
Has any single person of responsibility in this matter bothered to drive through morning rush hour traffic around here? If we’re trying to keep the kids safe, they’ll have to be home schooled, as allowing them to enter a vehicle that intends to brave this traffic is like handing them a pistol with which to play Russian Roulette. Which brings me to the other point – Traffic is bad everywhere, an all major cities and even some minor ones. No one sixty or seventy years ago ever planned on the population that is driving on our highways and byways. Now you can’t fix it with other than frequent and dollar consuming Imminent Domain property grabs. So we’re all in the same boat. So here are my issues of the day – and I hope that SOMEONE out there feels the same.
1. A new driving test needs to be instituted – new drivers and, starting at age 40, drivers who wish to renew their license must be able to demonstrate, on a heavy traffic road, the ability to drive with the flow of traffic, no matter how fast that traffic is going. If that means Grandma doesn’t get a license anymore because she’s more of a hazard to commuters around her with her slow ass driving, then she needs to find alternate transportation.
2. Cops should concentrate more on those blocking the flow of traffic than on those exceeding the speed limits. And stay the hell out of the fast lane if you intend to drive the speed limit. Here’s your first clue, dumb ass. When you are in Rush hour traffic, in the left or fastest lane, and there are 300 plus yards of empty road in front of you, and very irritated looking drivers keep passing you on the right, NEWS FLASH! You are the effing traffic jamb! Get the hell out of the way, you stupid f**k!
3. More road rage is caused by those hypocritical “defensive drivers” who delight in following every speed limit to the tenth of a mile an hour than was EVER caused by speeders. You pride yourself on your driving, yet you are causing more road rage and accidents around you from frustrated motorists trying desperately to get around you than if you stood on your hood in the middle of downtown and started flipping the bird to everyone. Get an effing clue.
4. Keep pulling out in front of me and moseying along at 30 miles under the speed I am driving as I approach you. Some day I’m not going to screech on my brakes to cover your ignorance. Some day I’m just going to tap my brakes and put my entire front end through your side wall. Everyone behind me will see the brake lights. They will not see my other foot on the gas, accelerating. I will effing maim you in the process if I don’t crush you outright. It’s called natural selection. Retarded idiots like you will never learn. Natural selection will weed you out. Your bullshit will get you killed. With any luck before you can further damage the human race by having offspring.
5. If you do something to endanger my children while they are in the car, do not be surprised when I get out at the next light and put a .45 round through your left temple. I am merely doing a service to the community by keeping their children safe, too.
6. While you are merging into one lane, or entering the freeway, and there is space behind me, do not attempt to speed up and cut in front of me. I will not swerve. I will not slow down to let you in. I will speed up enough to eliminate that option. I will not move over simply because you are in an SOV and think you can inch over a bit at a time and that I will finally give way. In a merge situation, I will let one vehicle merge in front of me, like it is supposed to happen. I will look on in complete mirth and satisfaction while you hit the traffic barrier or go over the edge into the river. Such rudeness deserves only one answer – and that is to put a stop to it at every opportunity. If you die in the process, then natural selection has succeeded once again, and the roads are on their way to being more safe.
7. For those of you out there that are constantly guilty of the above transgressions – you should be shot on site, period. It makes the roads safer, eases the environmental burden, and does self handling on population control. The only deterrent to increasing rudeness and stupidity in drivers is instant and unequivocal justice at the business end of a large caliber firearm. So keep f**king with me, a$$holes. Some day I will snap, and the day that I do, I guarantee the following morning that the streets of our city will be ten to twenty non-driving parasites safer.
Michael
10 comments:
Ahhh severe weather. We have this epidemic at work where if your kid doesn't have school, you're fully excused from having to find a babysitter. I feel my friends' pain at having to find a babysitter at 6 or so in the morning. My problem with it: I'm have no children. I NEVER get to utilize this excuse. Jealous gets me again. :(
Some day I will snap... someday?
Naughty, naughty, Bice. I have not rammed a single idiot out there yet, nor have I put a cap in someone’s a$$ over their crappy driving yet. As for losing it as relates to anything but driving and traffic, I’ll have to invoke my 5th Amendment rights in the matter. I have demonstrated for the Court several times on this blog that I am effing looney and that there is absolutely no hope for me. Why do you think I have such a rapt audience, coming back for more each and every day? It’s like people watching Nascar. We know they are all really there to catch the blood and guts of a major accident. It’s human nature. All of my readers want to be the first to watch me really lose it and confess to the crime spree prior to spreading my brains across the back wall of my office. I aim to please. Blood always makes the front page buddy!
I'm sure you're a perfectly nice guy in many other ways but dude, as a truck driver, I have to say: Please get a bus pass or gift certificates for a cab.
Charming - Thanks for stopping by. This was a rant, pure and simple. We all wish for things that are often realistic. As a truck driver, I'm somewhat surprised that you don't agree with a lot of the sentiments about the current day stupidity of the average driver. But then, I didn't get in to my rants about Truckers. There's some real a$$e$ there too. Perhaps, being a trucker, you can explain the God complex that some of your fellows develop because they believe that driving the biggest piece of machinery on the road allows them to do what they hell they want, because its everyone's responsibility to avoid THEM. Please, provide insight. I know that can't be your actual training.
While I will never dispute that a very few truck drivers give the rest of us a bad name, the fact remains that of the 190 MILLION* ( licensed drivers in the US only 3 MILLION** are truck drivers and of the accidents involving trucks, regardless of what anecdotal ''evidence'' most people believe and personal injury attorney commercials imply, truckers are not at fault fully 2/3 of the time.
If you think it annoying when someone pulls out in front of you in a 2-4k vehicle, imagine for a moment that occurring while you're steering an 80k truck that needs the length of a football field to begin slowing down. And the ''weight'' of the truck comes with more responsibility than most drivers can imagine because no matter how much we have to compensate for the shortcomings of other drivers, we are regardless blamed when things go horribly, terribly wrong. Our living and our conscience is at risk everyday because while we have required continuing education, random drug screens from both our employers AND the government and more regulations to keep up and comply with than should ever be legal, yet we're all judged under the same ''God complex'' persona very few demonstrate.
*as of 2000 http://www.fhwa.dot.gov/ohim/onh00/onh2p4.htm
**as of 2000 http://www.fmcsa.dot.gov/facts-research/facts-figures/analysis-statistics/driverfacts.htm
I would probably say that the long haulers are much safer. Most of my issues inevitably deal with the damn in town dump haulers and short haulers. I greatly respect the long haulers on the highway, other than a few instances, and most of them annoying, rather than unsafe. I don't doubt your statistics, whatsoever. The same people that will pull in front of us gong 30 under will pull in front of you, with worse results. Again, I would think that it would bother you that much more. But of the accidents you listed, how many were in the city limits, and how many other multiple accidents were avoided by the drivers of the automobiles that managed to slow down when one of those short haulers pulled out into the middle of a two lane road at 10 miles an hour? I was not flaming you, charming. But this happens to me 3 to 4 times a week. These a$$holes DO NOT CARE. I could have 300 yds of clear road behind me for them to pull into, but they will still pull out EXPECTING you to slam on the brakes and avoid them in order to avoid getting hurt. Not all the damn statistics in the world are going to change that attitude.
And Charming, email me and I will tell you a story about an incident. I don't feel like posting it here because it would outright appear to be directed at you, and it's not.
It's not that I disagree that any of the things you listed are annoying and even dangerous but given the choice, I would rather share the road with stupid drivers versus aggressive.
Traffic, like weather, is what it is and taking it personally or responding to stupid drivers with aggression is far more dangerous.
Driving 3000+ miles a week solo and 6-7000 team, I personally have witnessed much more actual carnage at the hands of drivers who are making a point than those who just aren't terribly bright. Trucks are 13'6 high and allow for a unique view of exactly how road rage plays out everyday.
And while I understand, completely, what you're saying about your experience with local or short-haul commercial drivers, I will always put my money on the number of ''almost'' wrecks/accidents avoided by commercial drivers outnumbering the ''almosts'' avoided by cars responding to big trucks.
I was raised in a rural community and for some reason as I grow older I am torturing myself by moving to bigger and biger cities with more and more traffic.
Currently I am in LA and drive through 2 of the 5 worst interchanges in the USA for traffic every single day. I am also bound for the looney bin sooner than later because of idiot drivers.
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