Winter's Chill

Here Now, for your Reading Pleasure - Susan from Random Thoughts

My breath seemed to cling and hang in the air. What is normally clear takes on the color of the snow that’s stuck to my long hair. I was far away, though, very far away somewhere warm and happy. At that place I’m standing, the breeze caressing my lightly tanned skin as the sun blazes down on me. I lift my face towards it, feeling the healing rays kiss my skin. I smile.

I’ve faded so far into this fantasy that the harsh smack to my face barely stings. It’s the second strike that leaves the real mark, knocking me to the ground. I try to push myself back up when I feel the foot slam into my stomach. A sound escaped my throat that I didn’t even recognize. Did that come from me? Was it a scream or protest? A word of some sort that didn’t truly develop before the next assault on my body begins? The first couple of kicks come from him with no words or expression. I try to roll away, try to get up but I’m repeatedly pushed down and the kicks continue. For one moment, the kicks stop as I rest my face against the ground. Oddly, it isn’t as cold as I expected. For the snow to be piling up I expected the ground to be icy to touch. Instead, it has a sort of warmth to it. A comforting warmth. I wish upon wish I could just sink into its arms and make the pain stop.

“Whose is it? Don’t you dare say mine, you bitch. I’ve know you’ve been screwing around on me for months.”

My mouth barely opens before a foot slams into it. I heard a crack. It echoed. Was that the sound of my neck snapping? My jaw breaking? I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and pull my knees to my chest, trying to protect the life I’d told him a few moments before had just begun to exist inside me. I remembered smiling, gushing with excitement about the family we were about to start. I had expected him, the man who said he loved me more than anything, the one who had called me his angel and made plans for us to be a family, to embrace me and run around telling everyone the news. I hadn’t expected this…the next kick landed across the left side of my head, more a stomp than a kick. The darkness rushed up around me and I welcomed it.

My eyes opened slowly. I was in bed. His arms were wrapped around me. It had been 3 months since I’d told him the news. Things had simmered down until tonight when I’d woke to him beating me with a wooden coat hanger until it broke, then his steel toe boot. The pain was so horrible I tasted bile in my mouth immediately. I fought back against him, nails digging at his eyes and flesh, screaming no but my screams fell on deaf ears. Now, though, the pain was worse. So much worse. I could barely move, let alone walk to the bathroom. God why did it feel like the insides were being ripped out of me? I started throwing up, I didn’t even notice him standing there, pointing out the pool that was seeping from me. “Good riddance” he mumbled as he left me there. Alone. On the cold floor. Bleeding.

I woke up, a scream ripping across the lips. Both of the cats went running from the room as I jumped out of bed, arms wrapped tightly around my stomach. The pain was back, though only a memory of it. I ran to the bathroom, throwing up until my body shook from weakness. After a few moments I managed to drag myself to my feet. It was cold in the house, I could see my breath. The tears rolling down my cheeks were warm and I stared at myself in the mirror. My arms still stayed wrapped around my midsection protectively. As the tears became a sob, I let my arms drop and stared at my flat stomach. The cold of the house crept inside me, causing the tears to stop and coaxing me back into my bed.

I was far away, though, very far away somewhere warm and happy. At that place I’m standing, the breeze caressing my lightly tanned skin as the sun blazes down on me. I lift my face towards it, feeling the healing rays kiss my skin. I smile.

Susan

ps. Thanks for the opportunity to guest blog, Michael.