Mission Briefing: The IRS arrived at Subject’s house and entered the premises. After unrolling the 10’ long scroll listing all tax violations, delinquencies, moral turpitude, and sexual deviance of Subject, they proceeded to strip the place. They took the furniture. They took the books. They took the electronics. They took the dishes AND the food. After taking one last look through the place, one intuitive agent located the hidden panel in the closet. He called HQ and told them the mission was completed. He called UHaul and had them drop off a small trailer. He proceeded to open the panel, and empty the hidden study of every scrap of leather, handcuffs, magazines, home video, and DVD’s. He proceeded to fill that trailer. He hooked that Uhaul to his government vehicle and prepared to head home. As he walked out the door with the last of the Playboy first editions, five $100 bills fell from the August Issue, swirled in the wind, and blew back into the garage.
Your Mission:
The Subject retains Clothes (damn it, if they had taken them, I could write them off at tax time next year and get a new wardrobe!), his family (I offered to pay if he’d take my mother in that van), his job (what luck – I don’t even get six weeks vacation on unemployment, but I do get to ride the effing bus to work now that the car is gone), and the $500.00.
The Challenge: What do you replace first?
The Answer: Clearly, clearly, you MUST replace the Porn first and foremost. The Sigo and family will either put up with the temporary setback or leave, and there won’t be much to do to stop them. The electronics are no good without power to run them, or to charge their batteries. That money won’t go far towards keeping the power on. The furniture – sorry folks, but why in the hell would you need a couch to lie on if you can’t watch TV. Who needs a desk if you can’t have the computer on it. Who needs a bed when you aren’t getting laid? Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Dishes are highly overrated. If you replace the food, then you have to replace the dishes, then you have to pay to keep the water on in order to wash the dishes, then you have to buy the furniture to keep the dishes in, and then on top of that, you have to buy more furniture to sit and eat on from the dishes. I’m tellin’ ya. DON’T Ever replace the dishes first. It’s a vicious cycle leading only to misery, debt, and tax fraud.
Summary: Thanks for the Idea, BD. But I think it was a rhetorical question. There is only one possible answer. I can’t believe that I let you dupe me into actually exercising brain cells on that. Too much like work. I should have just led off and let the little head do the thinking. So you got me. Here’s the ten spot I owe ya.
Michael
5 comments:
Awesome story dude! Good points on the water, power etc;
BD
Replace the porn? I just download mine.
See I would have taken the Five Hundred gone to a casino and quadrupled several times. Then I would not have reported it on my taxes, therebye sticking it to the man. But I did like your story much more interesting than mine...
"Who needs a bed when you aren’t getting laid?"
That could be the saddest thing I've ever, ever, ever read. If that were my case, I'd replace my gun and bullets first and just be put out of my misery.
BD, Susan has a point. Will you take the second shot if I miss that badly on the first? Thanks.
Mist, sounds great but hard to download an original first edition.
Q - my luck sucks way to bad to risk my last $500 that way.
Susan - you are probably right. But then again, I'd probably jerk the gun and end up as a veggie.
Post a Comment