My sympathies go out to all of you that were or may be affected by this wicked storm that is ravishing the country right now. Being me, however, I could manage to find some humor in a rotten corpse. So here’s some news flashes for those of you that that live above the 30th Parallel north of
The various school districts just north of Houston made the decision last night to close schools this morning in order to avoid the projected ice storm that DIDN”T happen. Streets throughout
Has any single person of responsibility in this matter bothered to drive through morning rush hour traffic around here? If we’re trying to keep the kids safe, they’ll have to be home schooled, as allowing them to enter a vehicle that intends to brave this traffic is like handing them a pistol with which to play Russian Roulette. Which brings me to the other point – Traffic is bad everywhere, an all major cities and even some minor ones. No one sixty or seventy years ago ever planned on the population that is driving on our highways and byways. Now you can’t fix it with other than frequent and dollar consuming Imminent Domain property grabs. So we’re all in the same boat. So here are my issues of the day – and I hope that SOMEONE out there feels the same.
1. A new driving test needs to be instituted – new drivers and, starting at age 40, drivers who wish to renew their license must be able to demonstrate, on a heavy traffic road, the ability to drive with the flow of traffic, no matter how fast that traffic is going. If that means Grandma doesn’t get a license anymore because she’s more of a hazard to commuters around her with her slow ass driving, then she needs to find alternate transportation.
2. Cops should concentrate more on those blocking the flow of traffic than on those exceeding the speed limits. And stay the hell out of the fast lane if you intend to drive the speed limit. Here’s your first clue, dumb ass. When you are in Rush hour traffic, in the left or fastest lane, and there are 300 plus yards of empty road in front of you, and very irritated looking drivers keep passing you on the right, NEWS FLASH! You are the effing traffic jamb! Get the hell out of the way, you stupid f**k!
3. More road rage is caused by those hypocritical “defensive drivers” who delight in following every speed limit to the tenth of a mile an hour than was EVER caused by speeders. You pride yourself on your driving, yet you are causing more road rage and accidents around you from frustrated motorists trying desperately to get around you than if you stood on your hood in the middle of downtown and started flipping the bird to everyone. Get an effing clue.
4. Keep pulling out in front of me and moseying along at 30 miles under the speed I am driving as I approach you. Some day I’m not going to screech on my brakes to cover your ignorance. Some day I’m just going to tap my brakes and put my entire front end through your side wall. Everyone behind me will see the brake lights. They will not see my other foot on the gas, accelerating. I will effing maim you in the process if I don’t crush you outright. It’s called natural selection. Retarded idiots like you will never learn. Natural selection will weed you out. Your bullshit will get you killed. With any luck before you can further damage the human race by having offspring.
5. If you do something to endanger my children while they are in the car, do not be surprised when I get out at the next light and put a .45 round through your left temple. I am merely doing a service to the community by keeping their children safe, too.
6. While you are merging into one lane, or entering the freeway, and there is space behind me, do not attempt to speed up and cut in front of me. I will not swerve. I will not slow down to let you in. I will speed up enough to eliminate that option. I will not move over simply because you are in an SOV and think you can inch over a bit at a time and that I will finally give way. In a merge situation, I will let one vehicle merge in front of me, like it is supposed to happen. I will look on in complete mirth and satisfaction while you hit the traffic barrier or go over the edge into the river. Such rudeness deserves only one answer – and that is to put a stop to it at every opportunity. If you die in the process, then natural selection has succeeded once again, and the roads are on their way to being more safe.
7. For those of you out there that are constantly guilty of the above transgressions – you should be shot on site, period. It makes the roads safer, eases the environmental burden, and does self handling on population control. The only deterrent to increasing rudeness and stupidity in drivers is instant and unequivocal justice at the business end of a large caliber firearm. So keep f**king with me, a$$holes. Some day I will snap, and the day that I do, I guarantee the following morning that the streets of our city will be ten to twenty non-driving parasites safer.
Michael
