Darkness and Smorgasbord

Overwhelmed.  The only word to describe my current circumstances.  So bear with me as I follow the disjointed chain of thoughts and imagination that currently plagues me.

I got some tech support help.  As you can see at the top, I got the Cardiac Fantasies logo installed, care of Roadchick Technologies, Inc.  Unfortunately for me, and for my tech support, my lack of HTML savvy was responsible for the incorrectly sized picture that is now no longer even with the Title.  Oh well, consider it a work in progress.  You get the General idea, of course.  I thought the picture was pretty cool.  Let me know your thoughts and/or other ideas on what might look better.

 

I’ve identified approximately 13 readers through my statcounter that visit regularly.  If you don’t mind, please let your browser set a cookie on this site.  If you look at the cookie it sets, you’ll see that it only tracks you as a return visitor rather than a unique new visitor each time you show up.  If you do this, it will ID you as a return visitor, and I can better thank you if you are one of my regulars that doesn’t prefer to comment on the post.  Again, view the actual cookie yourself, to confirm that it isn’t actually spyware, malware, or tracking you to all those porn sites you so enjoy.

 

Cardiac Fantasies™, the blog.  One of my regular readers asked how I came up with the name.  This is one of the easier questions that I’ve been asked, and equally one of the most boring answers.  In High School, back in the age of the cassette tape, the Commodore 64, Lionel Ritchie, Parachute Pants, and Miami Vice, I used to do some mixing of my own cassettes so that I had the full hour of specific types of music that I wanted to listen to at one time or another.  Dance music, love songs, cruising music, etc.  I’d used to try and come up with some really catchy names for these cassettes, as if I was recording a new album.  Typically, the names were remotely related to the content, if at all.  But my all time favorite cassette, with almost every one of my favorite songs on it (Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Relax, Phil Collins – In the Air Tonight, Miami Vice Theme Song, Madonna – Crazy for you, Phil Collins – Against All Odds, Chicago – You’re My Inspiration, Toto – Rosanna, etc. ad nauseum) was perhaps my greatest moment in cassette naming.  Yes, you guessed it.  Cardiac Fantasies, complete with its own fractal cover art.  So when you think about it, I guess this particular blog has been about 24 years in the making, or at least the title has been around that long.  Boring enough answer for you?

 

DARKNESS.  I can see the darkness.  Like falling off a ship in the middle of the ocean, on a cloudy night, with absolutely no land in sight.  The water is body temperature, so you can hardly feel it.  You’re just floating, with no visual input at all.  It distorts your other senses, as they try to accommodate the lack of input.  You’re alone.  There is no one there to reach out to, to pull you out of the darkness, to strike a light for you.  Your heart beats faster.  Your breathing increases to manic proportions, maddeningly loud in your ears, with no light to trim or buffer the effect.  You can hear every little noise your body makes, as you panic.  Your body presses you, pushes you, telling you its time to scream.  You want to scream so badly, that you are utterly freaking out.  You no longer maintain any reasonable sense of control over anything.  You can only depend on others to help pull you out, help get you out of this hole, because you are absolutely helpless to do it yourself.  Then you know despair – body, mind, and soul becoming slowly numb, because you fully understand at this moment that you are TRULY alone, that there is no one capable of saving you, most especially yourself, from the overwhelming blackness of darkness.  The Beast chooses this moment to appear, and to come alive.  You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is going to be hell to pay.  There always is, when you finally let the Beast out.  It only happens in the darkness.  I know the darkness.  It’s a friend, and a foe.  It’s the edge of everything, and nothing.  It’s a Cliffside that you grasp a few blades of glass on, trying to stem your fall.  I know the darkness.  I can see the darkness.  Because the darkness is in me……………….

 

Michael